


if you're in love

by thesetemplebones



Series: love is for children [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Light Angst, Love, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12895503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesetemplebones/pseuds/thesetemplebones
Summary: Over time, however, cracks began to form in the foundation, Natasha came to the realization that everything she believed in was complete bullshit.Or Natasha has a heart to heart with Steve about Darcy.





	if you're in love

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile but I have found time to write! :) Please excuse the roughness of this story.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy.

**_“_ ** **_The thing about love is that we come alive in bodies not our own.”_ **

**_Colum McCann_ **

****

**T** here was a time when Natasha believed emotions to be a liability, a weakness that someone could use against her, she had built her foundation on the idea that love was for children. She was proud of her reputation for being heartless, a cold blooded assassin that could never be trusted, a mystery that intrigued everyone. There was a time when she lived for dangerous missions, for being reckless. Over time, however, cracks began to form in the foundation, Natasha came to the realization that everything she believed in was complete bullshit.

            Natasha knew, despite his almost perfect poker face, Steve was surprised when she showed up at his apartment; hell, if she was being honest with herself she was just as surprised. None the less she was grateful that he invited her like it was a regular thing, them hanging out at his apartment. She was indebted to him when, after Steve followed her lead and told her about his latest mission, he wordlessly grabbed a bottle of vodka and poured her a shot.

            Before she even swallowed Steve poured her another shot. “Thanks.”

            Steve gave her a single nod but remained silent. She knew that he was waiting for her to make a move, he had been following her lead the whole time but now it was her turn to _answer_ to him. That’s why she grabbed the bottle and poured herself another shot, Natasha needed to compose herself, and prepared another. It was her mission to get drunk and quickly.

            “How was Darcy on the mission?”

            The words flew out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying, she had said _fuck it_ and went with the first thing that came to mind. Of course she was really asking, _how was Darcy?_

“Don’t you mean, how is Darcy?”

            Steve called bullshit and for once she had no idea what the hell to do. This is why she originally came to him; she needed to talk to someone because something had happened, changed her, and she needed some help. Her foundation, everything she had believed in, didn’t just crack, it completely crumbled. She half-assed laughed and looked up from her shot glass, “I’m a little lost here, Steve.”

            As she took another shot her shoulders relaxed, she had been relieved of the pressure. Natasha chewed on the corner of her lips and shook her head, “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing and I just really need some help here.”

            “Have you and Darcy been talking to each other?”

            “Yes,” she sighed, “kind of. I haven’t really had the time to talk to her lately.”

            “You’re avoiding her.”

            Natasha narrowed her eyes, “I’m not avoiding her, Steve.” She straightened up and sneered, “I’ve been busy with missions. We all have.”

            Steve raised one of his eyebrows and gave her his Captain American stare; the one he gave Tony when he called him on his bullshit.

            “I can’t remember when it happened,” once again curling into herself like a wounded animal when she whispered, “I’m in love with Darcy and it terrifies me.”

            She glanced up at him and he unfolded his arms and nodded, “I can understand that.”

            “Good. Explain it to me,” she took her seventh shot of vodka, “because I don’t.” She placed her palms on the counter. “I don’t know how to handle the way she makes me feel.”

            “Considering everything you’ve been through, that’s understandable,” he grabbed her hand when she reached for the vodka and she could see the concern and care on his face, “Tasha, it’s okay to be in love.”

* * *

 

            Natasha didn’t know why but his words made a knot in her throat and her eyes water, she didn’t realize how much she needed to hear that. Maybe it was because she knew that she could be vulnerable with him and he would have her back. She could depend on him, just like she could depend on Darcy. She had learned that everyone had an agenda of some kind, to not trust anyone but then Darcy Lewis came along.

            She didn’t deserve her love or she felt that she didn’t deserve Darcy’s love. She had done unspeakable things, she was capable of killing someone without blinking and Darcy deserved better.

            “It’s dangerous for me to love her,” Natasha pleaded with her eyes, “she already got shot.”

            “She got shot because she was on a _mission_ not because you love her,” Steve stated.

            “Let that makes a difference.” She had forgotten about wanting another shot a few minutes ago and Steve had moved the bottle and glass away from her. “I can’t…” she heaved in a breath, “if someone took her…”

            “We would go and get her back,” Steve interrupted her. “Being in love is scary, having someone know you, sometimes better than yourself, is terrifying. I couldn’t believe it when Peggy chose me but she did.” There was a pause. “If you feel the same way that I feel for her than you should choose Darce. You deserve to be happy, Natasha.”

            “What if after everything, Darcy doesn’t choose me?”

            “I’m going to pretend you didn’t really ask that question.”

            Natasha chuckled and looked down at the counter; her mind racing with thoughts of Darcy and what she should do. It had been two months since Darcy had told her that she was in love with her and needed some time, Thanksgiving was a week away for crying out loud. It’s really been the last month that Natasha has been fighting with herself, being in denial. She knew that Darcy was still in love with her and that was one of the things that scared her, someone loved her. Truly loved her.

            Despite having several shots, Natasha wasn’t drunk enough to continue with this conversation. “Did you buy that vodka special for me?”

            “Of course.”

            Natasha smirked at him as he smiled back at her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


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